Reflections From Sheetal Agarwal

Highlights or moments that inspired, surprised or challenged me ...

It was in January 2016, at a Service Space Moved By Love retreat, that I heard the term ‘medical clowning’ for the first time. I remember thinking to myself, did I hear that wrong… medical clowning—what does that even mean? My exposure to clowning was limited to dwarf clowns in circuses. Then I read about it, watched the movie Patch Adams, and felt super inspired. And the rest, as they say, is history 😊

I went back to the MBL retreat in Ahmedabad again in 2019 as a volunteer, then participated in 2023, and now once again, just last week in Mumbai. This time felt even more special, as I was asked to lead a group of people and conduct a therapeutic clowning session at the elder care home where the retreat was being hosted. I was nervous and excited - it felt like life was coming full circle.

The group that volunteered to join for clowning was all women, and each of them felt that same mix of nerves and excitement. Wearing the wig and red nose for the first time is always exhilarating and seeing people’s reactions made me grin and instantly reminded me of my first time. We entered the section where most of the elderly were bedridden, making a train and singing our favourite Chakke Pe Chakka song. It was beautiful how the daadus started smiling and interacting with the clowns. One uncle was super cute, he started mimicking me, which made everyone else laugh even more. Then we moved to the ladies’ section, where some aajis sang songs with us, and one of them even got up to dance. A few smiled coyly.

There was one room where we saw an aaji sitting on a chair, crying in pain. I, along with another clown volunteer, started playing around saying “Mummy, mummy,” (as someone in another room had asked me if she is my daughter :D) and the crying aaji suddenly joined in saying “Mummmmyyy” and smiling through her tears. That was the highlight of my day - how tears turned into smiles and pain into laughter!

Even the caretakers were so happy. We hugged them and danced with them, giving thumkas. There was one caretaker didi who was shorter than me and looked really light, so I lifted her up and danced, making everyone burst into laughter. It was surreal. It’s amazing how donning a red nose gives one so much strength, spontaneity, and power to connect—things we might never do without this smallest mask in the world.

What I'm still sitting with ...

I am sitting with this most interesting moment was when someone asked me how I felt after clowning. I casually said, “Usual, I do this often.” But when they asked again, I began sharing all these little moments. That’s when I realised how some emotions go numb with time, and it takes special experiences like these to feel overwhelmed again. It dawned on me later how beautiful it was to be able to do something at the very retreat where I was first introduced to this path, nine years ago. And suddenly, I found myself reflecting on the journey, feeling deeply grateful, and quietly bowing down for being the chosen one.

Also, how some experiences are beautiful and emotional the first time but doesn’t stir much and feels at the Durga e level after some time!

What I'd love to chat more about, in community ...

I would love for my mother to experience this space but she doesn’t speak much English and would love if a retreat is done focusing on our parent’s generation who are mostly Hindi speaking.